Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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