I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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