He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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