The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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