I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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