I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
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