He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize