today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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