as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
