I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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