No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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