Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i think i have herpe
just one?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
