Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
