Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize