Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
