ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
