I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
