He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize