I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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