I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
