I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
