super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
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