one might say we're banned from that church
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
