I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
