will power is for people who don't want to get laid
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize