It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
