Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
