just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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