is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
