I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
