i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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