Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
