I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
