I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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