i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
