im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
