I feel great
I just peed on a car
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
