she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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