I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
