you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
