you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
