I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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