Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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