apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
