I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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