The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
