shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize