so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
