it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
