Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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