So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
