I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
