Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I think people are normalizing furries
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
