Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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