I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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