I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
