Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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