Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
