i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
