Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
