Say something about gay babies.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
i came on her dog
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
