Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
