Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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