woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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