I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
