Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
