Fuck appropriateness.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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