Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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