So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
