yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
