sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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