Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize