the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
