Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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