It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
