so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
