Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
50% drunk capacity currently
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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