so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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