chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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