Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
