seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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