Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm too high and old for this...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
