I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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