im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
