I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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